Guest Blog: Parenting without vaccines

By Sarah Sparkles- mama to a girlie aged 8, a boy aged 2 and one on the way.

Before becoming a parent I trained as a nurse and practised for some time, mainly in the mental health field; I loved my job but the politics were getting to me. It felt very strange administering drugs, then going home and using homeopathy! I have a disease called Perthes in my hip- this means essentially my hip is undeveloped and can cause me a great deal of pain- I've always been medicated in one way or another and I've always felt a resistance to it. When I was in my teens I started to look at other ways of managing health and I was convinced there just HAD to be another way to get through my life without codeine rotting my organs! I found a holistic practioner who was happy to realign my spine and pelvis (as I walk with a very slight limp which gets pronounced when I'm tired). My parents were convinced I was bonkers for a while; they let me try alternative therapies but were soon tired when I wasn't conforming to their idea of treatment, despite the obvious fact I was happy doing better and not half high on vast amounts of painkillers. I was very worried that by the time I was 30 my liver would pack up- never mind the fact that I was already taking massive doses at just 16.

My consultant was amazingly receptive as Perthes is not a common disease- his sole request was that I go in to be monitored for ways to help others too; he was brilliant and pointing me towards NHS services that are so called unconventional. At nearly 30 it's stabilised and I don't use any drugs and haven't for years.

When I left home at 17 I started to flower within myself; for so long my personal philosophies were suppressed and as time went on I found it really hard to nurse and be myself.

At just 19 I found out I was pregnant with my daughter- sadly things didn't work out with her father and we parted. Frightened and very depressed, I found the whole thing very hard to manage; the fear from the midwives that I'd not be able to carry to term because of the hip issue, the agonising pain as I progressed through my pregnancy, soon I was swamped with "help" and once again my notions were dismissed as madness.

They intially wanted to do a planned cesarean section as they just weren't sure how my pelvis would expand- if at all! I found an advocate to at least let my pregnancy go on and plan closer to the time of birth, I really was so sure I wanted to deliver vaginally. Three weeks before my due date my labour started. I was at home alone and very very frightened of all the tales about how it "had been the worst pain of your life/ the most horrendous day/episiotomies/tears/botched/forceps/placenta left in".... No-one had a good word to say about giving birth, I had planned to just let things roll and take on one pain relief option bit by bit- I had a TENS machine but within a few hours I had rung an ambulance- my contractions were on top of another. My daughter arrived on the sofa with just gas and air and I felt joy! It did hurt, I did tear a tiny bit- but it wasn't what they all said... I felt like a goddess!! We went to hospital and later discharged and I started to re evaluate my thoughts- what else were they wrong about?

I started to breastfeed but the help was poor; my mum truly finds it sexual and spent a LOT of time telling me not to do that in front of my father... My sister had never even considered there was another way to feed other than a bottle and so I had no support beyond a few weeks- soon my confidence slipped when she ws feeding lots; I thought I wasn't making enough- and then the nagging started that I wasn't being fair and I was being a martyr so the formula came out. I was feeding her in secret at night when no one knew. I didn't even tell the health visitor - I don't know why but I started to believe I was wrong, the saddest part is that if I'd have said something I would have known she was a HUGE advocate for breastfeeding but didn't need me to feel bad for my choice as she could see I was already teetering.

Then the vaccination schedule started- I didn't feel quite right.

I allowed oral Polio and then was persuaded to give the diptheria. This was at the time of the MMR debate and I had started back to work so I was privvy to how scared the NHS was; this made me question why they were so frightened if it was so safe. I started to look into it all and decided to hold off,she'd been SO ill with a tummy bug after the last vaccine I didn't want to carry on she has always been a tiny thing and couldn't afford to lose an ounce. Dr was not happy and voiced it to me but was open as well. We agreed to postpone. Indefinitely.

I never really said much to my parents knowing I'd be ridiculed, by now we were all but strangers.

Her dad and I had worked it out enough that we were on friendly terms and he still sees her often.

Time went on and my health visitor retired to be replaced by a lady that was pretty convinced I was a terrible mother and made it very clear. I did start to question myself,but by now my daughter was 3- a happy bright little thing had never been ill - the odd sore throat or a cough & cold type thing. That was enough for me. We moved house some 100 miles when she was 4- a new start, a new life. I'd had a late miscarriage and I needed to be away from everything, have some time out and move on.

Soon after we moved, my daughter caught chickenpox after going to a baptism. It was mild and a few days later she was right as rain! In 2008 my son was born at home. The midwife was great. He didn't even consider that I'd not breastfeed. As my son latched on for his first feed the midwife smiled at me and said "That is the best gift you can ever give your son." Family life settled in; Mark has always been very supportive of my choices and desires, simply making sure that everything else is done so I can just sit and feed. This time I was proud to shout out YES I'm breastfeeding- I don't speak to my family anymore. I just stopped calling, and so did they. I do often wonder what they'd make of my life!

I've had a few bad days where I'm knackered - I work as well by choice and necessity but I can look at my boy and know I am doing the VERY best by him. The health visitor popped by when he was 2 weeks old as is standard here; sadly I was hoping for 'wow, well done' and I got lots of 'how I could have more sleep and how selfish it is when dad can't feed' - I asked her to leave and not return.

Daniel has only been ill once- possible Rotavirus (he just breastfed lots, was sick when he needed to be sick, and I just worked with it- within a week he was back to normal.) I had shingles a little while back I was a bit worried as I was in my first trimester, but all was well. Daniel caught chicken pox from me - so mildly I only saw a spot in the sun! All he needed was some extra breastmilk and he was fine.(In the UK we don't vaccinate for chickenpox nor Rotavirus. ) Both children have been fit & healthy; both children go to groups and activities an awful lot and have never caught anything.

I don't really have a lot of friends; I find it quite hard to mix with people. I do genuinely enjoy my own company.

My girlie has 100% attendance record for school which she's very proud of and itching for a certificate!

I asked the midwife that attended Daniel's birth to be my midwife for this pregnancy as well he's quite happy to let me call the shots. He's never tried to persuade me to do anything and truly believes that we all have the right to informed choices. He was overjoyed when I said I was still feeding Daniel!

Overall I guess I've been quite lucky- I've met some resistance but not much.

On being a wetnurse.....

I've always been in childcare, from my beginnings as a babysitter in my early teens until now. I have always loved children- loved their innocence, loved their simplicity, loved their exuberance and acceptance and fearlessness.

I had read about women who breastfed other babies- I always considered it sort of peculiar. It made sense, but surely formula is just as good, right? Wrong.

When I became a mother, I continued to work privately, looking after children in their own homes. I couldn't tolerate the factory-style care in child care centres, where basic needs were met but there was little time for nurture, love, care or individuality. I loved forming a bond with the children I cared for, and this is difficult to do when you have 4 children under 18 months in your care, which is common in child care.

After my son was born, I continued to work, but I did not wet nurse. It was never something which entered my consciousness- why would I physically breastfeed someone else's child? I had a huge supply though, and after my daughter was born and I tandem fed my children, I realised I was capable of producing a lot more milk than most women. I sprayed milk everywhere whenever let down happened. I soaked through towels every night. I could hold a cup over my nipple while feeding only one babe, and I could easy catch 250ml pouring out. Forget breastpads, I soaked a hand towel on a regular basis.

When my freezer filled up with milk, I realised I should donate breastmilk or it would be going to waste (I went and had blood tests and got a clean bill of health first). So I gave it away whenever I could to the people around me who needed it. I donated to a woman interstate who had hypoplastic breasts. I donated when a woman I know was admitted to hospital suddenly and they could not admit her 3 months old baby- she was so dehydrated she was unable to make enough either. I donated to a friend in anticipation of her premature baby being born 8 weeks early so her premmie didn't have to be exposed to formula in NICU. I donated to a woman I didn't know a few suburbs away who has a tiny supply- she has since become my friend. I was in awe of my breasts- these amazing mammaries which could feed more than just my babies.

The first baby I wetnursed was the child I was donating to a few suburbs away; she came to collect the litres of milk I had stored for her, and he was hungry. She asked if I would feed him instead of using some of the frozen milk- so I did. It wasn't strange- it felt really normal, really natural. It felt right. I was starting to see just how beneficial this would be, and wondering why more women didn't do it. So many women are using formula to complement their baby's breastmilk- why not use donated breastmilk, or have another woman cross-nurse your baby?


I started work with a new family one day a week, and the mother was the first to broach the subject. I hadn't considered it before this- I had felt the urge, the instinct, to open my top when holding a crying baby, but I had never been asked to breastfeed someone else's baby directly. She was very casual about it, and I agreed. I began offering it to him in the middle of the day before his sleep, but he refused. One day he was upset, so I put him in a Mei Tai and he snuggled up to my chest. After a few minutes, he licked my cleavage. I whipped out my breast and left it there for him to access, and after a few minutes he latched on and drank deeply, falling asleep in minutes. Success! The next few times he smiled at my breast for a while first, as if discerning the friendliness of my nipple, before latching on and heartily drinking. Before long, he was actively asking for a breastfeed, coming up to my shyly and gently pulling on the neckline of my top. Whenever my daughter was breastfeeeding, so was he- soon he was having 3 breastfeeds a day.It felt lovely to be able to give this little person the perfect milk for him. (That is the prince himself, shown at right.)


I have now started wetnursing with a new family who have a 6 month old baby. I was hired because of my babywearing experience, childcare experience and attachment parenting ideas. The mother had never considered I would wetnurse her baby, but when she spoke to my reference (who is the same woman who encouraged me to wetnurse), she told her about the breastfeeding relationship I have with her child. She was quite shocked- wetnursing is now something alien to our society, whereas 100 years ago it was common practice. When I attended my interview, she discussed it with me. At first, she said she was quite 'weirded out' by the idea of me breastfeeding another person's child. It is a challenging thing to wrap your mind around in our homogenised society. She thought wetnursing was a bit strange. But the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. If her baby was distressed, I could comfort him in a way that holding and rocking never could. Expressing enough wasn't as much of an issue. If he wanted more milk than she had left, he has a fresh supply. Just because his mother had to return to work doesn't mean he misses out on breastfeeding while she is gone. Her comfort zone was challenged, her preconceived ideas about what was normal were questioned, and she came out the other side with a totally different view.

Society used to condone wetnursing- it was used in the case of ill women, mothers who died in childbirth, women without supply, the rich, the poor and everyone in between. Sisters, mothers, aunts, even grandmothers breastfed babies who needed to be fed. In ancient cultures, it was common to breastfeed any child you knew who needed to be fed. In indigenous tribes babies are fed by the village- not only does this help share the burden of childrearing, but it also gives children access to more antibodies than their mothers could ever provide alone. Yet our society has become one of people being afraid of others, of disconnection, of isolation. Our world is becoming more detached- we are encouraged to move our babies away from us, give our babies alternatives to nature, feed our children genetically modified foods and clean our houses with toxic chemicals. Our society is moving further and further away from being human, from connecting with nature and each other.

All children should be breastfed for a minimum of 2 years. When you look at the suggestions from the World Health organisation, you see that even they recommend wetnurses.

"For those few health situations where infants cannot, or should not, be breastfed, the choice of the best alternative – expressed breast milk from an infant’s own mother, breast milk from a healthy wet-nurse or a human-milk bank, or a breast-milk substitute fed with a cup, which is a safer method than a feeding bottle and teat – depends on individual circumstances." (W.H.O, http://whqlibdoc.who.int/publications/2003/9241562218.pdf)

Yet we live in a society where women would rather buy modified, sugared, powdered cow's milk to feed their babies because they simply don't consider there might be women out there opening their arms and their nursing bras to babies who need to be away from their mothers or who are born to mothers who cannot breastfeed. Women would rather feed their babies modified inferior milk from an unhappy, antibiotic-tainted cow than put out the call for breastmilk donors or a wet nurse. It isn't even considered an option. Other people's breastmilk is considered strange, gross, a bodily fluid. Our breastmilk is fine, but other people's breastmilk is just too foreign for many women to even consider. Why is this so? If a woman has had testing done, and eats a healthy diet, why wouldn't you choose her milk over that of a cow? With everything we know about how superior breastmilk is to any alternatives, why are so many women still turning to formula?

When I look at these two options if I can't breastfeed my child, I know which one I would choose.

If you have cross-nursed or wetnursed a baby, please feel free to share your story.

Surviving my childhood

 I'm a survivor, but I'm not a person from a reality television show. I'm not from Destiny's Child, shaking my booty and watching the money roll in. I'm a woman, a mother, a daughter, a cousin, a niece, a granddaughter, and a survivor of childhood abuse.

I come from a middle class family. My sisters and I were raised by babysitters, childcare workers and then a nanny while my parents earned enough money to pay for a comfortable life for us all. My parents thought that paying someone else to raise us while they worked for 10 times that amount was worth it for the future of our family. It wasn't.

I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused. I was abused from when I was 5½ until when I was 10½ years old. I was abused by a woman, her husband and her brother. These people were supposed to care for my sisters and I. They were entrusted with our wellbeing, and instead they crushed our spirits.

Abuse damages people immensely irrespective of when it happens, how it happens, or how old you were when it happens. It has resounding affect on who you are. It changes you in ways you still won't realise for many years. The lasting effects of abuse are even more painful because there is often no physical scars to show the damage that has occurred; there is no exterior sign to show people you are fragile and need help.

The people who abused me were sadistic pedophiles with no compassion. They were also Jehovah's Witnesses with a religious exterior and an involvement in their community. She was a childcarer, her husband was a bartender, her brother was a doctor. They presented an immaculate façade. They contorted my life so extremely that I do not remember vast periods of my life right up until my late teens when I sought psychological help.

I was raped, drugged, held underwater, suffocated, locked in rooms, starved, beaten, made to eat feces and drink urine. I was forced to perform sexual acts on all three of them. I was tied up and I was put in car boots while they shopped or went to (her husband's) bar to get my baby sister drunk. My sisters suffered different abuse; they were abused emotionally and physically. I was at an age when they could groom me and then abuse me horrifically, so they did. When they met me, I was also a child used to being ignored, a child used to being shunted, a child who did not have a strong attachment to anyone. This makes it easier to abuse a child, and I was a prime candidate because my parents were so disconnected.

I thought this was all normal. I thought everyone had someone who played heavy metal music at maximum volume while they raped you on a towel. I thought everyone had to keep secrets from other adults or else you would be killed.

I went to friend's houses and it was normal there too; one friend's dad had a tattoo on his penis which he liked to show us and ask us to touch it. Her 5 brothers all did the same. Another friend's grandfather would ask us to sit on his lap and he would fondle us and then digitally rape us as he read to us. This was life. I would have swapped their lives for mine, though- it seemed they had it easier.

As a teenager I was a self-mutilator, writing dark poetry and smearing it with my own blood. I became bulimic and then vacillated between anorexia and bulimia. I attempted suicide and I tried any drugs I could. I slept with anyone who looked at me, starting when I was 13. I got drunk as often as possible and I was raped at parties when I was too drunk to fight back. I teetered on the edge for so many years that it was normal for me. I felt dead inside and I thought it was normal. I slept with men older than my father with little understanding of the way I was continuing the abuse. In my last year of school, I lived on the couches of other people, in the apartments of men I had just met, and for a few days in the back of a ute when I had nowhere else to go. I was adrift and I did not know how to anchor myself. It seemed I had always been adrift.

I am still recognising the way the abuse I endured has affected my life in ways I never considered.

I underwent intensive psychotherapy, using so much of my weekly salary as a waitress that I barely had enough for rent. I would rather go without food than go without my psychologist. She was the one person who helped me understand myself, understand what had happened, process the years of hurt. Without her, I would not have made it to 20. But I did. I struggled through, trying to make sense of it all, trying to find a reason to live. I attempted suicide one more time when I was 22, sick of the suicidal thoughts and the bleakness of my life. I decided that if I managed to live, then I would throw myself into trying to live. My older sister saved me, finding me on the edge of a creek on the edge of unconsciousness and racing me to hospital. I survived. Just as I have been surviving for almost my whole life.

I don't expect a medal, or pity, or even understanding. I don't make excuses for myself because I was abused, nor do I allow myself to be a victim. I made a choice- I decided that I was going to make a difference. I was abused, but that did not make me who I am today. It is a part of me, and it always will be, but it is no longer how I frame myself.

I parent my children with love and attachment. I make sure they feel safe and secure so that when they are older, if anyone approaches them or tries to abuse them then they know that it is wrong, know they should scream, know that it is wrong, know they can come to me. I am present in my children's lives. I do not let strangers look after my children, I do not leave my children with anyone I do not know, I am hyper-vigilant. I cannot imagine leaving my children to be raised by others at all- let alone from when they are small. My children know they are loved. My children will not be raised by other people because they have a mother, and no money is worth missing my children's childhoods. I will not make the same mistakes my parents made, trading money for our childhoods.

Today, everywhere I go I meet other women and men who have been abused. Often, survivors tend to gravitate towards each other. It saddens me to think of the vast number of people I know who have been abused as children. Yet, the majority of survivors I know are strong people who have overcome adversity. They are amazing people who have hurt in their hearts but love in their eyes. They try to help others because they were never helped. I hope I do the same.

Today, my parents still refuse to acknowledge that abuse we all suffered. I am manifesting these memories, recreating my childhood, fabricating these ideas. They are terrified of facing the harsh reality of their mistakes. So I am the one who has to validate myself, I am the one who has to be strong enough to stand up and say this: I was abused, I was hurt, and it was wrong. No child should have to suffer, no child should be abused. And yet I did, but I survived. It would have been nicer to have experienced my childhood rather than simply survived it, but you cannot undo what is done. All you can hope to do is heal the wounds until they no longer hurt.

If you suspect someone is being abused, whether they are an adult or a child, please report it. You could be making a world of difference.

Here are some links for those who need some guidance:
http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=243&np=293&id=2358
http://www.nswrapecrisis.com.au/Information%20Sheets/Survivors%20of%20Child%20Sexual%20Assault.htm
http://www.secasa.com.au/index.php/workers/50/133
http://www.secasakids.com.au/
http://www.laurelhouse.org.au/asp/content.asp?articleID=516

I have a few great books on processing and healing the effects of childhood sexual abuse; for those who would like to borrow them please feel free to email me at motheringearth@peacemail.com

My journey and the stigma of single motherhood

During the course of my life, I have known many solo mamas- strong, witty women raising their children while the men-folk they bred with took a different path. I never thought of them as different, I never considered them lacking because a penis-toting man was not there standing beside them. I thought they were brave and stronger than even they knew. But I was not going to be a single mama, no thankyou. My parents have been together for over 30 years. I was going to be in a stable, everlasting, equal relationship.

When I became a mother, I fell in love with my son so deeply I was afraid I might love him too much. I knew I had to protect this small person from the perils in this world while keeping a balance with exposing him to the beauties of this world. I had a partner who was kind, and charming, and warm. He was a lovely man who I deeply loved. We worked together and there was harmony, music, love, mutual consideration and kindness. I was supported and life was perfect- well, almost. Small things started to make me wonder whether or not I was alone here... I researched choices extensively and when I presented them, they were accepted. We agreed on most subjects. What I felt was right was never questioned. I started to feel like I was the only person who actually cared; I started to wonder if perhaps I was much more invested in this small human than he was. I asked him and he shrugged his shoulders.

I considered this was just the way things were- as a woman, and a mother, of course I cared more. I loved more. I thought more. I put in more. But why? Was this really how most people lived?

I loved my son, and I yearned for more children. I wanted another baby, and he agreed. We were very fertile, it only took 2 months before I was pregnant again. My son was 9 months old, and I was ecstatic. Two babies to feed together, two babies to grow up together, two babies to lavish my love on.

I was incredibly sick for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy. I could not function, I could barely move, I vomited every time I ate. I lived on ginger beer and apples. I still worked, because I had to- he did not. I still cleaned the house, because I had to. I coped, because I had to.

I wanted a homebirth, and he did not. I would not budge. I was going to have my baby at home. After a few months, he agreed. He had no choice. This is not a man's choice to make.

The turning point for me was one day as I was at work, breastfeeding my son over my 36 week belly. I was working 40 hours a week over 4 days. I was exhausted but I continued so I could pay for my homebirth. He was not working, he was studying. He was not helping me. I was not supported, I was not cared for, I was not in a partnership but more of a beneficial scenario for this man. I raised my concerns and he dismissed them, dismissed me. I was pregnant, I must be hormonal, I must not be clear-headed. He invalidated me and I let him.

After our daughter's birth, things became worse. He did not find work, despite me imploring him. I went back to work when my daughter was 3 weeks old, my 18 month old son also there with me- because I had no choice. If I wanted us to stay afloat, I would have to be the one to tread water. So I did. And when I came home with my two small people on public transport at 7pm at night to find him asleep in bed, the house a mess, and Uni subjects failed, I was livid. I was working myself beyond exhaustion, and he was sleeping.

When she was 6 weeks old, I decided enough was enough. We had a roaring fight, and I asked him to leave. He did. So we were alone, and I was the one who did everything. I had no help, no family, no close friends who lived in my state. I didn't even tell my family for months. Instead, I just did what I had to. He did not see his children for weeks at a time, he missed almost a month of her life when she was 4 months old.

I was deeply ashamed, but not that I was a single mother. I was deeply ashamed that I had chosen this person as the father of these two beautiful children. I was deeply ashamed that I had failed them, because I had not chosen better.

Over the next 18 months, we went through periods of trying to make it work. Well, I should say I went through periods of trying to make it work. We lived together. We lived separately. He refused to see a counsellor. He said we could just make it work. Yet it always came back to the same, lonely, unsupported place.

The thing that really interested me was the responses from others when they found out. There was deep pity, encouragement to seek couples counseling, teary eyes and pointed questions about "however will you cope?". I would talk about living in an unhappy relationship, supporting a man who didn't support me at all, earning the money and keeping the house clean and the fridge stocked and they would ask me how I would cope!!!

On the other hand, I had some women who barely knew me nodding their heads and looking at me with an "I told you so" glint in their eyes. I was too strong, too opinionated, too forceful. One of these women actually told me that I would "never find a man unless I toned it down and tried to be a little more demure." !!! What kind of world is this, where a strong woman is obviously single because the man she was with couldn't cope with her overwhelming dominance? (Please note the dripping sarcasm here.) These women always assumed he had left me. I liked to set them straight.

Suddenly, being a single mother was something I should be ashamed of, apparently. I was a blight on the community, ruining my children's lives, living off taxpayer dollars, using the system. I was reported to Centrelink for fraud, I received abusive text messages, I was hassled online. Women told me I was below them because I was single; as if being in a partnership made them better mothers, better women, better people.

What it boiled down to was that these women felt that I should feel less of a mother because I did not have a partner- well, more accurately, I did not have a man. Our society still sees women as objects, sub-humans, a gender who should be dictated to. Women continue this misogyny, directing it at other women, because they are so used to labelling themselves as wives, partners, fiances, girlfriends. A mother is not a good mother without a father for her children. Why? Why isn't a woman who stands on her own two feet and supports her children commended for her strength instead of looked down upon?

At school, the idea that you are a nobody without a boyfriend is still the norm. Girls who don't have boyfriends are somewhat amiss. It is the same for women at all stages of life; to be single and 20, 30, 50, is supposed to be something abhorrent. It is supposed to be an indicator that you have failed. And it was what I felt when my relationship first began to break down- I was ashamed that I had failed my children, that it was my fault.

What I now realise is that I have nothing to be ashamed of; I have not failed my children, he has. He failed me as well. Above all else, I should be proud. Because my children have the life they have because of my hard work and strength; they have shoes on their feet and organic food in their tummies because of me. They have beautiful wooden handcrafted toys and play silks. They drink pure water and they are not vaccinated. My daughter had the best birth possible because of me, and my son had the best birth he could expect in a hospital because I informed myself. My children have wonderful clothes gleaned from Op shops and bought on sale. They have hats and dresses and vests handknitted by me with wool I dyed. They sleep underneath blankets I made for them. They are happy little people who have everything they need in life, and more. And I am the person who made all of this possible. I am the person who made these choices for them. I am the mother who chose to fly solo because I know it is the best thing for us right now.

My children have a father, and he is a good father to them when he can be.

I am just thankful that my children have a great mother who wasn't afraid to stand on her own so she could give them the best life possible.

Empowered women and the women who despise them.....

 I wish women were respected more and objectified less. When we allow those closest to us to dictate our choices, we relinquish control over our own lives. When you defer to others about your beliefs and rights, you are essentially giving away your own power. Your life is your own, your body is your own, nobody gets to make choices for you or force you to bend to their will.

This was my status the other night, after an eyeopener discussion on a woman's status which really made me consider where women stand in today's world.

I am a strong woman. I stand up for what I believe in; I have to acknowledge that I often come across in a way which rubs others the wrong way. I'm okay with this because I realise you can't always get along with others and that sometimes in order to educate people you have to push them out of their comfort zone and rub them the wrong way so that they start questioning their realities.I want to inform people on issues which are often controversial or difficult to digest, so I have become adept at not letting criticism get to me. (And I sometimes consider buying clothing like this because it nails it. http://rlv.zcache.com/the_truth_will_set_you_free_tshirt-p235714501406448758t5hl_400.jpg)

This week, women on Facebook made a stand and used pictures of themselves feeding their babies to show that breastfeeding is not obscene. Almost every profile picture was a beautiful statement of breastfeeding love. It was a lovely way to normalise breastfeeding.

A few hours into the campaign, a woman on my friends list had to remove her picture. We all know Facebook is discriminating against breastfeeding women. However, it wasn't a faceless Facebook employee who forced it to be removed. It was her husband. The same man who fathered the child she was nourishing in her picture- threatening her if she did not remove it.


 I have to admit, I was shocked. Not only shocked that a man would threaten a woman over her breastfeeding picture, but shocked that a woman would remove it because she was forced by her significant other. Shocked because I really considered that women would stand up for what they believe in. Shocked because her husband's justification was simply an objectification of his wife- exactly what the campaign was trying to address. How can women rally against Facebook's backward policies  when their own partners are sexualising their breastfeeding relationship?

However was really surprised me was the vitriol directed at me when I expressed my dismay and disgust at the emotional abuse and manipulation this woman was being subjected to; after her husband justified and objectified and laid the blame at the feet of other men who would objectify her:

 its about MY WIFE doing something that i found way too confronting

 i did ask nicely about 5 times. if she cant get the message .. then fuck why am i married!

i kind of regret i said it and forced it upon her. but it comes down to respecting someone elses wishes.

 if you are going to blame anyone for sexualizing the breast
blame the women that get them out in magazines.. blame the marketing companies that ram it down men's throats. blame society for painting the picture that is "sexuality"
there's a fine line and to most men that line is fucking invisible

The basic gist was that other men would find her picture sexual. Other men would see it, save it, use it as a sexual tool. This man made his wife remove her picture 'in case' other men would find it sexual. He did not ask her to remove picture of her children which a Paedophile could save and use. This had less to do with someone saving a photo, and more to do with someone saving a photo of his wife, breastfeeding openly. His perception was that other men would be turned on by this photo. This was a little too close to a woman being forced to wear a Burqa because other men might find her attractive. He was uncomfortable with her picture being up, so he asked her 5 times, then threatened to remove her Facebook account- as if she was a child and he was her parent. Where does a man in Australia get such backward ideas about his partnership and respect? Where does a man get the idea that he can force his wife to bend to his will and that it is acceptable to disregard another human being's choices?

Strong women should stand up against men who dominate women and use their gender to wield power in relationships. Men should not be threatened by strong, empowered women- nor should other women.When a woman talks of her anger at being forced, those around her should support her and encourage her to stay true to her own principles. And yet, in this case of a man forcing his wife, and his wife expressing that she was not happy, other women gathered around to pat his back and congratulate him for being strong, while also applauding her for taking her poor husband's feelings into account.

 I find it ABSOLUTELY disgusting that ANYONE is disrespecting ♫♫♫♫'s husband for voicing his concern and how dare anyone try to belittle her respect for her husbands feelings.

You're an inspiration as a respectful woman and as a dedicated mother.

I, on the other hand, who questioned his motives and what gave him a right to force his wife to do anything, who supported her in her frustration that her husband would threaten to delete her Facebook account, became the subject of their anger. How dare I question his motives? How dare I ask relevant questions about the inequality in their relationship? These women acted as if he has the right to force her to do anything if he felt uncomfortable with it, that it was totally normal for a woman to have to defer to her husband and accept his insecurities.

 Eath Motherhoood, if I were ♫♫♫♫, the only thing I would be deleting is my FB friendship with you for treating my husband like total shit and being a straight up bitch to him. Why on earth you would think it's okay to talk to someone's HUSBAND on THEIR fb status like that is beyond me

its extremist mothers like you that give breast feeding a bad name and manipulate other people and bend them to your will

 You truly give a bad name to mother's like me who breastfeed and love to be an advocate, Thanks for fucking up the movement!

I never really considered the sexism in Australia; my mother is a Feminist and I grew up considering that equality was fairly visible in Australia- except in business and government. I considered that equality was the norm in relationships and families, that women were respected in their own homes for the amazing people they are.... And then my bubble burst.

I know I am rambling here, but it is difficult to understand why women use phrases such as "my husband wouldn't let me", "I have to use my other account so hubby doesn't know", "my husband doesn't think it is safe", "I just couldn't, he wouldn't agree." Why are women still subjugated? A man works to provide for his family, he's wonderful. A woman works at home to raise her family and she is valueless? It is 2010 and women still don't feel entitled to a part of their husband's paycheck, women still don't feel they can make choices about their bodies without the approval of their partners, women still feel the need to submit when faced with a husband who insists she adopt his choices.

For every empowered woman, you will find 5 powerless women who promote the patriarchal stance that women should defer to their husbands, support them regardless of the support they receive, 'look after' their husbands when they are being emotionally starved. As 'this is being a good wife.'

An empowered woman is not a threat, she is a blessing and an indicator of how the world should be. It is 2010 and women are still considered inferior, malleable- if they are empowered they must be relentless Feminists or men-eaters.... Why is it that an empowered women is so frightening to the world at large, still?

For centuries women have been dominated, forced into submission, controlled by men. Why should we as women accept that our beliefs can be negated by what other people wish us to believe in? Where would you ever see a man accept this?

I will talk about this more in another blog, I feel disillusioned enough already on this topic. I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

Childhood vaccination- fears, hopes and realities.

When we realised we were pregnant with our firstborn, one of the first topics to come up about parenting was vaccination. I lauched into all the information I had been collating pre-pregnancy about the risks associated with vaccines, the hours I had spent sourcing vaccine product pamphlets,  my concerns about vaccination. As it turned out, my partner had never been vaccinated- his parents had chosen not to vaccinate any of their children. It is a pleasant relief to discover someone with the same views as you! Taking into account vaccines, toxins, disease statistics and our baby's newborn immune system, it was an emphatic no.

I never realised how provocative this decision would be to almost every person I came across!

It wasn't until 3 months into mother's group that I let it slip that my son was unvaccinated- they asked about the Rotavirus vaccine, and I said "Oh, we don't do that." Her: "Do what?" Me: "Vaccinate." I've never seen someone look so shocked- or so concerned. I imagined she must be really uninformed! At the next mother's group, the other mothers visibly moved their children back when they rolled near my son, chastised their small babies for trying to play with my son's lovely wooden toys (obviously, they were diseased!). I was sure I was paranoid. But the next time I arrived, there was a posse of 3 standing on the footpath before the hall, waiting for my approach. They made it very clear I wasn't welcome. It was as simple as one of the mothers saying "Oh, we thought you might have noticed, we think it might be best if you don't come to our mother's group- some of the mothers are concerned that their kids might catch something." The other mothers nodded, and I laughed, waiting for the punchline. They all smiled and walked inside, locking the door behind them. No punchline, just a good social ousting.

I realised then that I had made a choice which was common sense to me, but which was difficult for the uninformed to grasp. It's difficult to inform people when they are essentially misled on the topic of vaccination.

For starters, here is an example. When you give a child a vaccine, you are vaccinating them. In Australia, our government calls it an Immunisation Schedule. However, vaccines don't necessarily provide immunity. In many cases, they don't provide immunity at levels which will protect a child from the disease. So why is it called Immunisation, when this is misleading?

My mother was appalled when she discovered that my son wasn't vaccinated (my dad had known all along, and kept it to himself). I've never realised how ignorant most people are until that day- my own mother, an intelligent woman, a CEO, a strong educated powerful woman, turned to me and asked "But how can you put your son and other children at risk like that!!" I tried not to laugh. Where do intelligent, intellectual people get such backward ideas?

If you believe that vaccination protects babies from diseases, then why would you fear an unvaccinated child- your child 'should' be protected, so what's the difference? 

So I started asking a lot of people about how they felt. "Vaccinating your child is REALLY important!" Why? "Because it protects them from diseases." How? "Because vaccines give your child immunity." Do they? More often than not, people told me they vaccinated their child because "That's what you do." Most people aren't aware of the real risks of vaccines. Most people aren't aware of the real risks of the diseases. Most people don't even know what is in the vaccines they are letting their children have, let alone what diseases they are being vaccinated for. Let's break it down.

Hepatitis B- most babies receive this vaccine at birth, 2 months, 4 months (+6 months if one dose missed)
Hep B is a blood-borne disease which is contracted through the use of intravenous drug needle sharing and sexual intercourse. Around 99.3% of the children in Australia are not at risk at risk of contracting Hepatitis B from a parent. The 0.7% of children who are born with a Hepatitis B positive parent or who have a family member who has Hepatitis B should consider vaccination or infection control procedures to prevent transmission. Worldwide, 5% of people have Hepatitis B.

*I'd also like to point out that many midwives are opposed to the Hep B birth vaccine as it causes side effects which interfere with bonding and breastfeeding- it can cause lethary, decreased appetite, fever, pain, gastric upset, excessive sleepiness and irritability. These can all dramatically effect a newborn baby and their breastfeeding relationship.

Diphtheria, Tetanus, Pertussis, Haemophilus influenzae type b, Polio- vaccines at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months.
(Note these 5 vaccines along with Hepatitis B are combined into one injection- Infanrix. So your child receives 6 vaccines at once. That's quite an assault on an immune system.)

Diphtheria- The last outbreak of Diphtheria was a group of 23 people in an indigenous community in the Northern Territory. This was in 1991. One of the people who contracted it died, the other 22 recovered.

Tetanus- The last known case of childhood tetanus in Australia was in 1969. Tetanus is a bacterium called Clostridium Tetani. Clothridium Tetani lives virtually everywhere, but the human body doesn't provide the right conditions for the bacterium to grow- infection can only occur when Tetani are introduced to the blood stream deep inside the body- such as a deep cut or puncture wound. Good wound management is more effective in killing Tetani than post-infection vaccination.

Pertussis (Whooping Cough)-  Pertussis poses the highest risk to babies under 6 months old- yet vaccination does not cover them until they are 6 months old. Whooping cough is still prevalent in many parts of the world, but studies have shown that up to 84% of children who contract Whooping cough have been vaccinated for it.

Haemophilus influenzae type b- Also known as Hib, is incredibly rare in Australia- however some cases are still reported in Indigenous communities. In Africa, 0.06% of children contracted Hib before vaccination was introduced. In Australia, the chances are even smaller. The most fatal strain of Hib is not covered by the Hib vaccine.

Polio- Polio is most prevalent in India, where in 2009, 741 people contracted it. The population of India is 1,147,995,904. This means that in the country where Polio is seen as dangerous, the percentage of people who contract it is 0.000006%. In Australia, the last case of Polio was seen in 1986.

Measles, Mumps, Rubella- Which of these pose a real risk to a child today? They can pose a risk to a woman who is pregnant and her unborn child, but so can chickenpox. Why should we vaccinate small children for these diseases which are merely skin rashes? Some people will argue that Mumps can cause sterility in males, but only 15-30% of men who get Mumps will get Orchitis- and sterility is a very rare side effect of Orchitis, occuring in only 2% of men. The Rubella vaccine is grown on Human Fetal Diploid Lung Fibroblasts. (That's a revolting froth of fetal parts.) This vaccine is one of the most dangerous, as it is a live vaccine, not a dead strain. This is why they wait until 12 months to vaccinate a child, as this vaccine is an enormous assault on a child's immune system. Putting aside suspected links to Autism, what is the point of this vaccine?

Then of course we have new vaccines, like the ones for Rotavirus. Rotavirus is basically Gastroenteritis.  Interestingly, exclusive breastfeeding a child protects them against Rota Virus more than any vaccination ever could.

I don't agree with vaccination for many reasons, but here are a few of my own personal reasons (I will stop after a few, as this blog is becoming very long, and has been typed out twice!):
(1) Vaccination doesn't guarantee immunity. There has never been specific antibody testing to determine how much immunity anyone will develop as a result of a vaccine.
(2) Every time you vaccinate a child, you are also injecting them with vaccine additives- antibiotics, formaldehyde, viruses grown on human foetal cells, animal products, surfactants, preservatives (some vaccines contain thimersol, which is 48% mercury), aluminium, sorbitol, yeast, ammonium sulfate, MSG, sodium peroxide.
(3) Contracting illnesses in childhood is how we develop life-long immunity. Vaccines only provide short-term immunity.
(4) A healthy child has a better chance of fighting any illness. Vaccinating a child damages their immune system, attacking and weakening it before it has developed properly. We are supposed to be exposed to smaller viruses before we are exposed to larger viruses so our immune system can develop and strengthen. Vaccinating a newborn child is an assault on their immune system.
(5) There is no harm in delaying vaccination until a child is older. You can wait until your child is 1, 3, 5, and still vaccinate your child if you feel the need.
(6) I believe that vaccination poses a larger risk to my child than the diseases the vaccines are supposed to prevent. I know children who have had huge vaccine reactions. I know a child with vaccine-induced brain damage. I have seen bright-eyed children become duller, slower, less intelligent after vaccination. 
(7) I am not concerned that my children will get incredibly ill from any of the diseases they could be vaccinated for. I would rather take the slim >5% chance my child might get an illness than take the 100% chance of my child being injected with toxins, viruses, chemicals, antibiotics and additives. I would rather support their immune system than attack it.
(8) Many children who have been vaccinated have no immunity to the diseases they have been vaccinated for. Why should I expose my child to a vaccine when it may not provide any immunity?
(9) I live in Australia; where clean water supply, good medical care, infection control and adequate nutrition means that my children are at negligible risk of getting seriously ill from any disease.
(10) The antibiotics used in vaccines aren't recommended for use on children under 6 months old, nor are they recommended for intra-muscular use. Why are they in vaccines?
(11) SIDS has been linked to vaccination. In Japan, they made the decision  to raise the vaccination age to 2 years of age, following a link to SIDS.

One of my children has had a needlestick injury at a park, and despite not being vaccinated at all, he did not contract anything from his needlestick injury. Neither of my children have contracted a vaccine-preventable disease. As a matter of fact, none of the unvaccinated children I personally know (who number around 50) have EVER contracted a vaccine-preventable disease. On the other hand, I know many vaccinated children who have contracted pertussis, measles, rubella.

One thing that always stuck with me was this: you can always delay vaccination until you inform yourself properly about every vaccine. There is no harm in waiting to vaccinate your child. However, once you do vaccinate your child, you can't take back the vaccines that you've injected in your child. You can't undo the damage that vaccination does to a growing child's body and immune system.

If you want to research more yourself, consider looking up some links like this:
http://www.avn.org.au/
http://www.whale.to/

It is also a good idea to look at the manufacturer's pamphlets from companies such as Merck who produce and distribute vaccines. Simply looking at vaccine ingredients and finding out what they all are can be a powerful lesson to us all.

Government websites can also be a good place to start, as they state many interesting facts without actually backing them up. They discuss the dangers of specific diseases but fail to tell us what the actual risk that the disease or the vaccine poses to our child.

Fluoridated water and questioning the lies we are told.........

As a child, I grew up in areas where fluoridated water is the norm. My parents were convinced- and still are- that fluoridated water is the primary reason that we have such strong teeth. It wasn't until I hit my 20's that I started to wonder why fluoride was added to the water. I started to research it, and it was rather confronting to discover the reality behind fluoridated water. Did you know fluoride is used as a rat and cockroach poison? Fluoridated drinking water doesn't actually help your teeth. This seems really strange when you first consider it, because if fluoride isn't helping your teeth when it's in drinking water, why is it there?


One of my first questions was simple: where does fluoride come from? Firstly, there is no chemical compound called fluoride- it's called flourine. It's a gas. When it is used in manufacturing processes, this gas captures certain molecules, and it becomes fluoride in different forms. It's added to our drinking water, it's in most toothpastes, dentists use it as a dental treatment.

All the fluoride used in water fluoridation is inorganic, artificially derived forms of fluoride.

The three forms of fluoride used are:

• Fluorosilicic acid (H₂SiF₆)
  It is also known as hexafluorosilicic, hexafluosilicic, hydrofluosilicic, and silicofluoric acid. ¹
• Sodium fluorosilicate (Na2SiF6)
• Sodium fluoride (NaF)

Okay, so where do these fluoride come from? It comes from fertilizer manufacturers. It's a byproduct created when they manufacture phosphate fertilizers. It's not manufactured specifically for use on our teeth. It's also a toxin, and it is so toxic than companies trying to dispose of it have only a few choices- sell it or pay to dispose of it.


Where else is Fluoride or its derivatives used? Sodium flouride is used in different insect and rodent pesticides (here's a list of a few http://scorecard.org/chemical-profiles/pesticides.tcl?edf_substance_id=7681-49-4), it is  one of the components in Sarin Nerve Gas ( O-isopropyl methylphosphonofluoridate), it is used in many medications and anaesthetics,  Prozac's medical name is fluoxetine hydrochloride and it contains 3 molecules of Flourine. 


Fluoride might be beneficial to teeth; some dentists are firm believers in fluoride and use it regularly, others are opposed to fluoride because it has never been scientifically proven to help teeth. Sodium Fluoride may assist in forming Fluorapatite, which is a component of tooth enamel- it stregnthens teeth. (Fluoride treatments might strengthen weak teeth, but prevention is better than the cure. Maintain good oral hygiene,  brush your teeth, drink water after a meal to help remove debris from teeth, floss daily.) Dentists tell us to spit out and rinse our mouth at the end of a fluoride treatment. The toothpaste packet also states the same- not to be swallowed. If it is so toxic, why is it in our drinking water?


How does fluoride in our water help our teeth, when it only comes in contact with our teeth for a few seconds at best? The other interesting thing about fluoride is that it actually causes some yellow and white blotches on teeth.  So why is fluoride in whitening toothpaste? Isn't it counter-productive?


Fluoride was first used in Jewish ghettos and in concentration camps in Nazi Germany.

The first occurrence of fluoridated drinking water on Earth was found in Germany's Nazi prison camps. The Gestapo had little concern about fluoride's supposed effect on children's teeth; their alleged reason for mass-medicating water with sodium fluoride was to sterilize humans and force the people in their concentration camps into calm submission. (Ref. book: "The Crime and Punishment of I.G. Farben" by Joseph Borkin.)

Sodium Fluoride has been linked to many diseases and illnesses and shortens life span.


Fluoridated water causes a build up of fluoride in the body- it accumulates in the pineal gland, in bones and in brain tissue. Fluoride facilitates aluminum uptake in bone tissue, weakening bones and resulting in increased bone fracture and osteoporosis.


Fluoride has been banned from drinking water by countries as Finland, Germany,  Sweden, Holland, France and Japan; even Britain has suspended it's use. The Netherlands banned it in 1973. The Czech republic decided against it in 1993. So why is it being introduced into more Australian cities?What choice do we have as consumers?


You have some options, but not because our government is providing them. You can buy water without added fluoride from any supermarket (I buy Noble's Pureau because it comes in  a cask bladder and I'd rather not buy water in plastic because of leeching of chemicals and the environmental cost of plastics). You can buy a reverse osmosis water system which removes fluoride and heavy metals.


The sad fact is that the majority of Australians don't know the truth about fluoride, and that's exactly how the government would like us to remain. When you aren't aware, you don't complain. People forget that when it comes to making money, ethics are often left by the wayside. Putting fluoride in our water disempowers us all- we can no longer make that choice for ourselves or our children. We cook our vegetables in it, wash our fruit in it, eat pasta and rice bloated with fluoridated water, bathe in it. We are exposed to fluoride everywhere in our homes, and we simply don't have a choice, unless we want to install an expensive filter at our mains tap.


I minimise as much fluoride as I can in our home, but I can't stop the flow of it into my home and our lives. Most people simply shrug their shoulders and say "Well, the government adds it to our water, so it must be good."


All that springs to mind right now is a quote by Hitler himself, a proponent of great evil.


"Tell a lie long enough and loud enough and the masses will come to believe it"